Kimmel RR

Michael Kimmel is the author of “‘Bros Before Hos’: The Guy Code”, an analysis of the strict set of rules that young men follow to appear appropriately masculine. The article details the rules, their purpose and their origins.

According to Kimmel, these rules are learned from a very young age. They begin when young boys start to reject their mothers and identify with their fathers, or ‘become men’. This is when boys learn the basics of ‘boy code’: don’t cry, don’t be a wimp, etcetera. These values are reinforced by fathers who fear their sons being rejected from male peers for being ‘sissies’. As boys get older the Guy Code is further enforced by coaches who push young athletes to not show pain and male teachers who extol the “…explorers or scientists [who] were so courageous and braving the elements and all that” (611) as one young man explained.

The Guy Code is most strongly enforced by male peers, who’s approval is key to and the goal of ‘being a man’. In fact the purpose of the Guy Code is not to impress women but to impress other men. Kimmel quotes playwright David Mamet as saying “Women have, in men’s minds, such a low place on the social ladder of this country that it’s useless to define yourself in terms of a woman. What men need is men’s approval” (611). All of the ostentatious posturing of young men is not to gain the adoration of women, although the adoration of women may add to their perceived manliness. What young men really want is the admiration of other men.

The rules on Kimmel’s Guy Code top ten list are all very familiar. Don’t cry, don’t show emotion (except anger, which is encouraged), be stoic, don’t rely on others for help, be brave and tough, be big and strong, quantify your masculinity with material possessions, and (possibly most importantly) never seem gay. These rules fit the white American stereotype of manliness that I am familiar with. Although it seems to be the ideal, I have not seen Guy Code fully lived up to by any actual man (although a few of my family members have made enthusiastic attempts). Not only are these rules very restrictive, but they are very difficult to maintain. Kimmel states that “the Guy Code fits as comfortably as a straight-jacket"  (615). Masculinity (much like femininity) is a social construction that we learn from how we see others treated around us and how we are encouraged to act. There is nothing natural or healthy about men being expected to never show emotion, never need help, measure their worth in physical strength and material possessions, and categorically reject things that they might otherwise identify with or enjoy because they are ‘un-masculine’. These standards of masculinity are damaging to men as well as to women and our culture as a whole. I feel it would be in everyone’s best interest to abort the whole masculine/feminine dichotomy and treat everyone like individuals without any social expectations based on their genitalia.