12/3/12
Austin
1234 Capitola
Road
Capitola, CA,
95010
Dear Darling
Boyfriend Austin:
As we have previously discussed, the world sucks for ladies. They make
less money than men for the same jobs, they’re appreciated for being pretty
rather than for being smart, their access to abortion and birth control are repeatedly
threatened, they get less promotions and raises than men, they get stupid parts
in movies where their presence only serves to further the plotline of the male
protagonist, blah blah blah feminism. But beyond these tangible points of
contention, there are broader social ills which befall us. I am speaking, of
course, of the cultural mores which sanction and even encourage violence
against women. Rape culture is a pervasive and damaging element of American
culture that often goes unnoticed. We have all read statistics which should be
alarming, like “The rate of sexual
assault in the United States is the highest of any industrialized nation in the
world” (Kilbourne 588) and “One in five (U.S. women) has been the victim of
rape or attempted rape”(Kilbourne 588), but we fail to be alarmed. We are able
to ignore these statistics because this outrageous level of violence against
women is expected and entrenched in our culture.
Rape culture doesn’t mean all women
are getting raped all of the time by all of the men; it means women are living
under a constant and expected threat of some level of sexual violence. This
violence presents itself as cat-calling, street harassment, groping, flashing,
unwanted sexual comments and jokes, unwanted sexual advances, sexual assault
and rape. This threat can come from virtually anyone, including friends,
neighbors, teachers, police officers, and family members.
Rape culture is evident in how we
tell women to modify their behavior to avoid rape, placing the responsibility
on women. My mom lovingly and neurotically advised me hundreds of thousands of
times on how to avoid rape. We also receive advice about acceptable behaviors
from our peers and our community. Advice such as don’t look like a slut (If
another woman looks like a slut women feel the need to call her one so they can
psychologically distance themselves from her and imagine that they are part of
a safe ‘good girl’ category), don’t walk alone at night, keep an eye on your
drink, don’t get too drunk, use the buddy system, don’t flirt too much (Or too
little, it might aggravate him; an article published by the National
Organization for Women suggests that "Because women are frequently
perceived as inferior to men, a presumed insult from, rejection by or upstaging
from a woman can damage a fragile ego. In that case, a boy or man looking to
reassert his authority may well look to threats or acts of violence as his next
course of action."). The truth is that none of the measures that we take
to protect ourselves from rape are effective. Women can get raped at bars or
parties, but they also get raped at home. In fact four in ten rapes/sexual
assaults take place at the victims home, and two in ten take place at the home
of a friend, neighbor or relative (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
(RAINN)). Women get raped when they’re drunk, but they also get raped when
they’re sober. Women can get raped when they look cute or when they are wearing
sweat pants. Having a code of conduct to avoid rape makes women feel like they
have control over their safety, but it also makes it easy to blame the victim
of rape if she doesn’t follow ‘the rules’, and absolves the rapist of
responsibility.
Rape culture is also evident in our
jocular treatment of the subject, a prime example being all those ‘hilarious’
YouTube comments that are like “I totally raped the replay button” and “RE:
raping the replay button; More like gang banged cause I got in on it too
LOLOLOL”. Minimizing a violent attack
that affects so many women is not only distasteful, it’s deeply troubling. One
in five American women have been victims of rape or attempted rape and most
women are constantly modifying their behavior to avoid rape. Rape jokes are a
callous and unnecessary reminder of the threat of violence that we live under,
and to women who have experienced rape they can trigger unwanted recollections.
Perhaps to the person making the jokes they are funny because the threat is so
removed from the comedian’s reality. Daniel Tosh, popular straight white male
comedian, has a storied history of making unabashedly insensitive and tactless jokes.
In one well publicized incident, a female audience member objected to his
assertion that rape jokes are funny, to which Tosh retorted (as told by the
audience member) “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys
right now?” (HuffingtonPost.com) Tosh has a different version of the story and has
since offered an apology, but the tale is far from unbelievable. Many people
will invoke their first amendment rights when being held accountable for making
hateful statements. I would argue that although Tosh and kids on the internet
have the right to act like jerks, they don’t have the right to go un-criticized
or silence dissent with threats of violence, flippant or otherwise.
We are constantly exposed to
advertising which reduces women to body parts and dehumanizes them. Jean
Kilbourne discusses at length how advertising is harmful to women in her essay
“Two Ways a Woman Can Get Hurt”. In the essay Kilbourne asserts that “Turning a
human being into a thing, an object, is almost always the first step towards
justifying violence against that person” (Kilbourne 585) and argues that the
step of objectification is already taken with women, and violence is only the
logical result (Kilbourne 585). Advertising presents unattainable ideals,
presents people as objects, and uses sex and violence to sell us products. This
is especially dangerous for the women because they are already at a power disadvantage
in society. The threat of violence is palpable for the objectified woman in a
way that it is not for the objectified man because of the existing inequality.
The ‘ideal’ of masculinity in U.S.
society is for men to be aggressive, unemotional and independent. Although most
men aren’t actively trying to fulfill this hyper-manly ideal, it still informs
our notions of what is acceptable behavior for men. Many young men associate
this ‘manly’ gender role with categorical rejection of homosexuality and
anything feminine. As author Michael Kimmel put it in his essay “’Bros Before
Hos’: The Guy Code”, “Homophobia – the fear that people might misperceive you
as gay – is the animating fear of American guy’s masculinity.” (Kimmel 613) One
problematic feature of this ’guy code’ is the conflation of weakness,
femininity and homosexuality. Among teenagers and the interminably immature
‘gay’ means bad, ‘pussy’ means weak, and ‘bitch’ means subordinate. This
language shows us how the hierarchy is arranged in the world of the masculine
ideal, with homosexual individuals and women being seen as inferior to
heterosexual men. The encouragement of ‘manly’ violence and an indifferent
‘boys will be boys’ attitude opens up the door to anti-gay bullying and
harassment of women.
Rape culture is a persistent but
often ignored element of American society. The first step to correcting this
malevolent aspect of our culture is to recognize and challenge it. Women are
held accountable for protecting themselves against rape, but this only leads to
blaming victims and takes the responsibility off of the person committing the
violence. Jokes which minimize the experiences of women are part of an atmosphere
of rape culture in which women are constantly threatened. Objectifying anyone
-- particularly women, who are already at a power disadvantage -- is
dehumanizing and leads to violence, and maintaining an ideal of masculinity
which considers callousness and violence ‘manly’ only adds fuel to the fire. Imagine
with me, darling, a more ideal world: Instead of women being held responsible
for not getting raped, rapists are held responsible for not raping. Victims of
sexual violence aren’t belittled, blamed or shamed and don’t have their
experiences minimized. Advertisers are called out for using women’s body parts
to sell their products and are made conscious of the affect that this has on
people’s psyches. A more positive masculine ideal that doesn’t focus on
aggression is encouraged. Of course, in a perfect world sexual violence would
be a non-issue. But these goals are within reach for modern America.
Yours truly,
Jacqueline
Works Cited
Kilbourne,
Jean. ""Two Ways a Woman Can Get Hurt": Advertising and
Violence."Rereading America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking
and Writing. Ed. Gary Colombo, Robert Cullen, and Bonnie Lisle. 8th ed.
Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2001. 575-99. Print.
Gandy, Kim,
Lisa Bennett, and Gina Mittal. "School Shooters Target Girls, Point to
Larger Problem of Violence Against Women." School Shooters Target
Girls, Point to Larger Problem of Violence Against Women. National
Organization for Women, 10 Oct. 2006. Web. 03 Dec. 2012.
<http://www2.now.org/issues/violence/101006school_shootings.html?printable>.
This article published by the National Organization
for women (NOW) details recent acts of violence (the Amish school shooting
where a milk truck driver shot ten girls, another school attack where a man took
several high school girls hostage and sexually assaulted them before killing
himself and one hostage) where the targeting of women in particular is
overlooked by the media. the article discusses the aggressive ideal of
masculinity and violence against women. a possibly useful quote from this
article is "Because women are frequently perceived as inferior to men, a
presumed insult from, rejection by or upstaging from a woman can damage a
fragile ego. In that case, a boy or man looking to reassert his authority may
well look to threats or acts of violence as his next course of action."
"The
Offenders." RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network).
RAINN, 2009. Web. 03 Dec. 2012.
<http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-offenders>.
McGlynn, Katla.
"Daniel Tosh Apologizes For Rape Joke Aimed At Female Audience Member At
Laugh Factory." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 10
July 2012. Web. 03 Dec. 2012.
<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/10/daniel-tosh-rape-joke-laugh-factory_n_1662882.html>.
Kimmel,
Michael. ""Bros Before Hos": The Guy Code." Rereading
America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. Ed. Gary
Colombo, Robert Cullen, and Bonnie Lisle. 8th ed. Boston: Bedford/St.
Martin's, 2001. 608-17. Print.
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