12/3/12
Austin
1234 Capitola
Road
Capitola, CA,
95010
Dear Austin:
As we have
previously discussed, the world sucks for ladies. They make less money than men
for the same jobs, they’re appreciated for being pretty rather than for being
smart, their access to abortion and birth control are repeatedly threatened, they
get less promotions and raises than men, they get stupid parts in movies where
their presence only serves to further the plotline of the male protagonist,
blah blah blah feminism. But beyond these tangible points of contention, there
are broader social ills which befall us. I am speaking, of course, of the
cultural mores which sanction and even encourage violence against women. Rape culture is a pervasive and damaging but
often ignored element of American culture. We
have all read statistics which should be alarming, like “The rate of sexual assault in the United States is
the highest of any industrialized nation in the world” (Kilbourne, Par 25) and
“One in five (U.S. women) has been the victim of rape or attempted
rape”(Kilbourne, Par 25), but we fail to be alarmed. We are able to ignore
these statistics because this outrageous level of violence against women is
expected and entrenched in our culture.
Rape culture doesn’t mean all women are getting raped
all of the time by all of the men; it means women are living under a constant
and expected threat of some level of sexual violence. This includes cat-calling,
street harassment, groping, flashing, unwanted sexual comments and jokes,
unwanted sexual advances, sexual assault and rape. This threat can come from
friends, neighbors, teachers, police officers, or family members, virtually
anyone.
Rape culture is evident in how we tell women to modify
their behavior to avoid rape, placing the responsibility on women. My mom lovingly
and neurotically advised me hundreds of thousands of times on how to avoid rape.
We also receive advice about acceptable behaviors from our peers and our community.
Advice such as don’t look like a slut (If another woman
looks like a slut women feel the need to call her one so they can
psychologically distance themselves from her and imagine that they are part of
a safe ‘good girl’ category), don’t walk alone at night, keep an eye on your drink, don’t get too
drunk, use the buddy system, don’t flirt too much (Or too little, it might
aggravate him; an article published by the National Organization for Women
suggests that "Because women are frequently perceived as inferior to men,
a presumed insult from, rejection by or upstaging from a woman can damage a
fragile ego. In that case, a boy or man looking to reassert his authority may
well look to threats or acts of violence as his next course of action."). The
truth is that none of the measures that we take to protect ourselves from rape
are effective. Women can get raped at bars or parties, but they also get raped
at home. In fact four in ten rapes/sexual assaults take place at the victims
home, and two in ten take place at the home of a friend, neighbor or relative
(Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)). Women get raped when they’re
drunk, but they also get raped when they’re sober. Women can get raped when
they look cute or when they are wearing sweat pants. Having a code of conduct
to avoid rape makes women feel like they have control over their safety, but it
also makes it easy to blame the victim of rape if she doesn’t follow ‘the
rules’, and absolves the rapist of responsibility.
Rape culture is also evident in our jocular treatment
of the subject, a prime example being all those ‘hilarious’ YouTube comments
that are like “I totally raped the replay button” and “RE: raping the replay
button; More like gang banged cause I got in on it too LOLOLOL”. Minimizing a violent attack that affects so
many women is not only distasteful, it’s deeply troubling. One in five American
women have been victims of rape or attempted rape and most women are constantly
modifying their behavior to avoid rape. Rape jokes are a callous and
unnecessary reminder of the threat of violence that we live under, and to women
who have experienced rape they can trigger unwanted recollections. Perhaps to
the person making the jokes they are funny because the threat is so removed
from the comedian’s reality. Daniel Tosh, popular straight white male comedian,
has a storied history of making unabashedly insensitive and tactless jokes. In
one well publicized incident, a female audience member objected to his
assertion that rape jokes are funny, to which Tosh retorted (as told by the
audience member) “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys
right now?” (HuffingtonPost.com) Tosh has a different version of the story and has
since offered an apology, but the tale is far from unbelievable. Many people
will invoke their first amendment rights when being held accountable for making
hateful statements. I would argue that although Tosh and kids on the internet
have the right to act like jerks, they don’t have the right to go un-criticized
or silence dissent with threats of violence, flippant or otherwise.
We are constantly exposed to advertising which reduces
women to body parts and dehumanizes them. Jean Kilbourne discusses at length
how advertising is harmful to women in her essay “Two Ways a Woman Can Get
Hurt”. In the essay Kilbourne asserts that “Turning a human being into a thing,
an object, is almost always the first step towards justifying violence against
that person” (Kilbourne, P 585) and argues that the step of objectification is
already taken with women, and violence is only the logical result (Kilbourne, p
585). Advertising presents unattainable ideals, presents people as objects, and
uses sex and violence to sell us products. This is especially dangerous for the
women because they are already at a power disadvantage in society. The threat
of violence is palpable for the objectified woman in a way that it is not for
the objectified man because of the existing inequality.
The ‘ideal’ of masculinity in U.S. society is for men
to be aggressive, unemotional and independent. Although most men aren’t
actively trying to fulfill this hyper-manly ideal, it still informs our notions
of what is acceptable behavior for men. Many young men associate this ‘manly’
gender role with categorical rejection of homosexuality and anything feminine.
As author Michael Kimmel put it in his essay “’Bros Before Hos’: The Guy Code”,
“Homophobia – the fear that people might misperceive you as gay – is the
animating fear of American guy’s masculinity.” (Kimmel, p. 613) One problematic
feature of this ’guy code’ is the conflation of weakness, femininity and
homosexuality. Among teenagers and the interminably immature ‘gay’ means bad,
‘pussy’ means weak, and ‘bitch’ means subordinate. This language shows us how
the hierarchy is arranged in the world of the masculine ideal, with homosexual
individuals and women being seen as inferior to heterosexual men. The
encouragement of ‘manly’ violence and an indifferent ‘boys will be boys’
attitude opens up the door to anti-gay bullying and harassment of women.
Rape culture is a pervasive element of our society
which often goes unnoticed. The first step to correcting this malevolent aspect
of our culture is to recognize and challenge it. Women are held accountable for
protecting themselves against rape, but this only leads to blaming victims and
takes the responsibility off of the person committing the violence. Jokes which
minimize the experiences of women are part of an atmosphere of rape culture
where women are constantly threatened with the violence. Objectifying anyone --
particularly women, who are already at a power disadvantage -- is dehumanizing
and leads to violence, and maintaining an ideal of masculinity which considers
callousness and violence ‘manly’ only adds to that violence. Instead of holding ladies responsible for not
getting raped, we should hold rapists responsible for not raping. We should
create a dialogue in schools and in the media about what rape is and what
consent is. We should not belittle, blame or shame victims of sexual violence
or minimize their experiences. We should call out advertisers for using women’s
body parts to sell their products and be conscious of the affect that this has
on our psyches. We should encourage a more positive masculine ideal that
doesn’t focus on aggression and not hold ourselves to such strict standards of
gender performance.
Yours truly,
Jacqueline
Works Cited
Kilbourne,
Jean. ""Two Ways a Woman Can Get Hurt": Advertising and
Violence."Rereading America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking
and Writing. Ed. Gary Colombo, Robert Cullen, and Bonnie Lisle. 8th ed.
Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2001. 575-99. Print.
Gandy, Kim,
Lisa Bennett, and Gina Mittal. "School Shooters Target Girls, Point to
Larger Problem of Violence Against Women." School Shooters Target
Girls, Point to Larger Problem of Violence Against Women. National
Organization for Women, 10 Oct. 2006. Web. 03 Dec. 2012.
<http://www2.now.org/issues/violence/101006school_shootings.html?printable>.
"The
Offenders." RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network).
RAINN, 2009. Web. 03 Dec. 2012.
<http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-offenders>.
McGlynn, Katla.
"Daniel Tosh Apologizes For Rape Joke Aimed At Female Audience Member At
Laugh Factory." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 10
July 2012. Web. 03 Dec. 2012.
<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/10/daniel-tosh-rape-joke-laugh-factory_n_1662882.html>.
Kimmel,
Michael. ""Bros Before Hos": The Guy Code." Rereading
America: Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. Ed. Gary
Colombo, Robert Cullen, and Bonnie Lisle. 8th ed. Boston: Bedford/St.
Martin's, 2001. 608-17. Print.
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